two horrible years without you son. My heart is more broken now than ever. i hate not knowing that you are truly ok. that you are finally happy. are you really? i hate seeing your friends and people you went to school with doing all the normal things you should be doing. knowing that i will never see you enjoying those things. experiencing those things. that i wont ever get to share any milestones with you. your borther is back in our lives but im still so wary of trusting him. i cant afford to get hurt again and i dont know if he's for real or if its just that he is in a bind again. no one will ever take your place though ever. been reading a lot about near death experiences and seeing things about that on tv and it seems that everyone whos had one describes dying as the most beautiful feeling. that they hated having to come back. that there was a vibrance of colors. and i know you loved colors so much. a feeling of peace and well being. i certainly hope you have that. and having loved ones waiting for you. so based on that, i cant wait to join hyou because that is when i will be at peace, when i will be happy again, when i will no longer have to pretend to be what im not. dad cut his hair in your honor today. we had a balloon release for you yesterday. and your birthday and memorial race is coming up. i will never let anyone forget you son. you were so loved. i hear that every day. or i hear stories of things that you did or thins that you said. everyone has one. love you so much and i will never stop sishing you were here with me still. love mamma
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This memorial website was created to remember our dearest Jeremy Thomas Heiss . Beloved son of Josie and Steven Mincher. Born on May 6, 1990 and passed away on March 21, 2009. You will live forever in our memories and hearts. My Son, I will not let your memory die. Everyone asks me every day how I am doing. I say fine. what else is there to say. I don't know how I am or even if I am anymore. I feel empty, like a shell that is tumbling in the sand, tossed about with each coming wave. We all feel that , Im sure. You took my heart with you, therefore I will never be again. I will never understand why you had to leave. I question so many things in my mind. Was there anything anybody could have done? Then I know that there wasnt, that this was your choice. Your peace. Your happiness. and I should be glad that you are finally at peace and that you are happy. But I'm not because I am selfish. I don't want to live this cruel life without you. I want you back. We all do. You touched so many lives. If only you had known. Even people that never met you have been touched by you. You lived your life better than anyone could. you accomplished so much in so little time. things that takes anyone else years to do. Did you know you were leaving soon? you told me you were coming right back and I'm still waiting.I will wait forever if I have to. I just know that you are preparing things for when I get there. And hanging out with Paigee who went before you. Maybe playing ball with Nanita or riding horses with Tata Benigno. Maybe having a cocktail with Poppa Bill. So many unknowns scare me. why were you chosen to go instead of me? I would trade places with you in a moment. Your legacy will live on through the organ and tissue donations. through the memories you left. Through the scholarship to help someone finish ther dreams you had. Til we meet again my SLB.
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| mamma |
two horrible years without you son. My heart is more broken now than ever. i hate not knowing that you are truly ok. that you are finally happy. are you really? i hate seeing your friends and people you went to school with doing all the normal things you should be doing. knowing that i will never see you enjoying those things. experiencing those things. that i wont ever get to share any milestones with you. your borther is back in our lives but im still so wary of trusting him. i cant afford to get hurt again and i dont know if he's for real or if its just that he is in a bind again. no one will ever take your place though ever. been reading a lot about near death experiences and seeing things about that on tv and it seems that everyone whos had one describes dying as the most beautiful feeling. that they hated having to come back. that there was a vibrance of colors. and i know you loved colors so much. a feeling of peace and well being. i certainly hope you have that. and having loved ones waiting for you. so based on that, i cant wait to join hyou because that is when i will be at peace, when i will be happy again, when i will no longer have to pretend to be what im not. dad cut his hair in your honor today. we had a balloon release for you yesterday. and your birthday and memorial race is coming up. i will never let anyone forget you son. you were so loved. i hear that every day. or i hear stories of things that you did or thins that you said. everyone has one. love you so much and i will never stop sishing you were here with me still. love mamma
| mamma |
My new "Normal" Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize
someone important is missing from all the important events in your
family's life.
Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up
and screaming because you just don't like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why
didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind,
holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute I walk into the house to have
noise, because the silence is deafening.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with
sadness lurking close behind, because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an
everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in
someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become
a part of my "normal".
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my Jeremy.
Normal is making sure that others remember him.
Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the
grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to
this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your
child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you - it doesn't
compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own
child is unnatural.
Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know
my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is disliking jokes about death or funerals, bodies being
referred to as cadavers, when you know they were once someone's loved one.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone
stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with
chat buddies who have also lost a child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in
all over the USA, yet never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and
crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is not listening to people make excuses for God. "God may have
done this because..." I love God, I know that my baby is in heaven,
but hearing people trying to think up excuses as to why our children were
taken from this earth is not appreciated and makes absolutely no sense
to this grieving mother.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the
house, did laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have a
child, because you will never see this person again and it is not
worth explaining that my Jeremy is in heaven. And yet when you say you
have no children to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you
have betrayed your child.
Normal is avoiding places Jeremy went to and loved, avoiding activites he participated in, because it breaks your heart when you see others enjoying them.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours
and asking if there even is a God.
Normal is knowing I will never get over this loss, in a day or a
million years.
And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become
"normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that
you are "normal".
~Written by someone that has lost the love of her life.
| Mamma |
 |
today, 20 yrs ago, was the happiest day of my life. i had wanted you frever and you finally decided to come to me. early and fast as you always lived your life. you were such a squirmy tiny little thing andscreaming your head off hungry as hell. i remember every single detail. your image was imprinted in my mind from the second i saw you. we almost didnt make it to the hospital you were in such a hurry to get here. you were almost born on the highway by patagonia lake. i was so afraid to let you leave my sight i didnt let any of the nurses take you without me going with them. after you were born i ate a huge bag of M&M's cause i craved them so much and couldnt have any when i was pregnant. that was awesome but it made me puke and they wanted us to stay in the hospital longer but i just wanted to get you home. Nanita was in awe of you when we got home. first thing she did is take all your clothes off to make sure you were perfect and you were. then she spanked your butt to make sure you cried ok. and you didnt disappoint her. she loved you so much i know you two are together in heaven so i know you are taking care of each other. your life growing up goes through my mind constatly, all of it jsut like it was yesterday. almost like a movie that keeps playing over and over. i know you are always with me. especially last night. its slefish of me to want you back here in this miserable world but i cant help it. i jsut want to be with you one more time. i found another dime this morning. im not going crazy im not going crazy. i know i was somewhat before but all this is so real and it hurts too damn bad for it not to be real. i hope you are as happy as anyone could ever be because you certainly worked for that happiness. youve made so many impressions in all of our lives. it was never about, although you were spoiled, it was always about someone else. about leaving your mark in everyones life. i know none of us will never forget you. til we meet again my SLB
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| mamma |
your race t shirt. hope you loved it
| mamma |
your race was a success. it was brutal it was so hard, it hurt so bad not having you there flying past everyone. wait... you were flying past us, above us. i felt the push. i couldnt stop. Ive never done anything sohard in my life. except for losing you. but that made the pain more bearable because there isno way that my pain could be as much as the pain you suffered throughout your life. Im happy you are free of the pain. i hope you are happy and wish i could be but there is nohappiness in my life anymore and therenever will be. there are small moments of joy especially when i remember you or something you did. and ilaugh. we all laugh. you were such a riot. the whole time i was running ikept thinking of stuff you'd be saying like "what the? you' re kidding right? you guys trying to run MY course? hah! thats as fast as you can go? " or maybe you were encouraging us pushing us to the limit. hoping that we wouldnt give up. cause you always told us never to give up. why oh why did you give up? was it that bad for you here? i just cant imagine nor can i find a reasonable explaination because i dont know and never will. i still hear your voice at all hours of the day. not a second goes by without you tugging at my heart strings. and now another birthday is coming and i dont know what to do. imlost without you. i know you are always with me and i think i see you sometimes or i see signs of you but its not enough. i am so tired son. so so tired. exhausted. the only thing that keeps me going is knowing that you dont have to worry about anything anymore .
Latest Condolences
| mom 2 Waylon kItchens | Happy B Day Jeremy | May 5, 2010 |
| Cindy~B.J., Wayne & Bucks Mama | Merry Christmas | December 16, 2009 |
| Zach's Mom | Never gone. | September 20, 2009 |
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am a diamond glint in the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle Autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the soft upifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight,
I am the soft starshine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry,
I am not there .... I did not die.
| Cindy~B.J., Wayne & Bucks Mama | Peace | August 25, 2009 |
| The Outlaw's | Happy 4th of July | July 2, 2009 |
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